A quick update here from Norwich, where I’m visiting for the Association of Social Anthropologists meeting. More about that later. Meanwhile, my attempt to understand what’s happening in London, using children’s literature.
At eleven o’clock, Pooh and Piglet began to feel that it was time for a little something. “How about a little brexit with honey?” said Pooh. They went into the Thousand-Acre Wood to look, and there in a shady glen they found a brexit tea party.
But the tea party had gotten a little bonkers. Everyone was switching seats and breaking the crockery. Bertie Wooster had gotten drunk and said “Paint me like one of your French girls” and lay down on a bench to go to sleep. The Mad Hatter was whipping people and telling them to stay in their seats. Alice was very cross. “Stop whipping people!” she said. “We have to talk about the Node Eel”.
“What’s the Node Eel?” said Pooh.
“It’s a monster that that is threatening to slither in, stop all the trucks, and take everyone’s medicines and fresh fruit,” said Piglet.
“Will it take the HUNNY?” asked Pooh.
No one seemed to know. “Something smells wrong here,” said Piglet, sniffing the tea pot.
“And they don’t have any HUNNY,” said Pooh. “Let’s go find Eeyore”.
So they went to look for Eeyore. They found him under a tree, looking depressed, nosing a stick around on the ground.
“What’s up, Eeyore?” said Piglet.
“Nice stick,” said Pooh.
“Up is down, and down is up,” said Eeyore glumly. “It’s not a stick.”
“Ooh, is it an Irish backstop?” squeaked Piglet.
“No. It’s a vegan sausage roll. They said this would be pork. They lied,” said Eeyore. “It’s the end of civilization as we know it.”
“Well we don’t eat pork, do we Pooh?” said Piglet, stiffly.
“Certainly not,” said Pooh, alarmed. “But I wouldn’t mind a vegan sausage roll.”
So they sat down and had a nice cup of tea and vegan sausage rolls, and they were actually quite tasty. Then they played football on the common.
“It’s still England after all,” said Pooh.
“Whatever the hell that means,” said Piglet.